poetry critical

online poetry workshop

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Welcome to Poetry Critical, an online poetry workshop. To post your own poetry, rate that of others, or start a new thread on the message board, you'll need to create a user id by typing a name and password in the box above and hitting 'New User'. If you just want to critique or jump into the discussion, however, you can do that without logging in by typing your comment in the box under each poem or post.

 
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Random Poem:

Thoughts of Venus
chancey

I met her on my first trip to Venus
 1
She was out of this world I needed to be close
 2
I moved in deleting the space between us, she showed no fuss
 3
I intro'd myself expecting no response
 4
Respond she did, but with a voice like no other
 5
She was the type of female you had to hold forever
 6
Slap her father and kiss her mother
 7
Cause they gypped the universe by not creating another
 8
Now, I was an immigrant to Venus
 9
And there was a pull between us like gravity to ground
 10
I played the helpless card
 11
"I need someone to show me around." With my best mack smirk
 12
Poor woman never stood a chance
 13
Her resonance kept me in a trance as she explained the sites
 14
She had a walk that reminded me of a slow rhythmic dance
 15
Keeping up with her stride for stride, well maybe just behind
 16
Watchin' her move as she seemed to glide
 17
I came to believe she was the one
 18
This woman's aura even had me twisted
 19
Long brown hair and perfume scent had me lifted
 20
Bronzed skinned, aesthetically gifted
 21
This proved there was a higher power, just here to show her off
 22
I could never forget her face
 23
Almond eyes, lips looked so tasty you'd kiss em preceded by sayin' Grace
 24
Her inner beauty radiating beyond time and space
 25
"We should hurry, it's almost over." She said with a look of hast
 26
She quickened her pace and had some pep in her step
 27
I explained, "We got lots of time, we got our whole lives to waste."
 28
She exclaimed,  
 29
"I've a feeling we've done this before. Do you feel the same?"
 30
My eyes proclaimed I was hers for the taking
 31
Waiting.  
 32
Anticipating.  
 33
I needed her to say I was her one
 34
My heart opened to embrace her warmth like she was the sun
 35
My soul prepared the pedestal to which I was going to place her upon
 36
Then she smiled and I could feel all my walls come crashing down.
 37
*beeeep beeeep*
 38
She spoke, I seen her lips move but there was no sound
 39
I needed to feel her touch to make it real, her embrace
 40
As I moved closer I noticed the single tear slipping down her face
 41
*beeeep beeeep*
 42
"Whats wrong? I can be here with you forever; I will never make you cry."
 43
She smiled, her lips motioned but with no audible reply
 44
*beeeep beeeep*
 45
A cold shiver came over me, like earths first frost
 46
Her look depicted my thoughts, somehow our time was ending
 47
"I love you right now!" I shouted
 48
*beeeep beeeep*
 49
She touched my face and my heart dropped in my chest feelin like 100lbs
 50
We both knew it was ending
 51
*beeeep beeeep*
 52
I picked my heart from the ground. I knew she was leaving, the woman of my dreams
 53
*BEEEP BEEEP*
 54
Now comes reality and sorrow...
 55
I'll be back on Venus looking for her tomorrow.
 56
Damn, its already 7:30
 57

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